Boris Yellnikoff: I'm dying! I-I'm dying!
Jessica: Should I call an ambulance?
Boris Yellnikoff: No, not now! No, not tonight, I mean eventually!
Boris Yellnikoff: Look, you're a sweet kid. Stupid beyond all comprehension, but you'll never survive here. You got nothing going for you. Zero, zilch. Ya know, you may be beauty queen material in the deep south, but this is the big time. Here you're a three. A five maybe after you bathe.
Boris Yellnikoff: Love, despite what they tell you, does not conquer all, nor does it even usually last. In the end the romantic aspirations of our youth are reduced to, whatever works.
Melodie: He just... He likes everything. Life, love, human beings! And the couple that we double-dated with, they were just protons!
Boris Yellnikoff: Protons?
Melodie: Do I mean protons? Cretins! Cretins, that's what I mean. Yeah, they didn't know the first thing about string theory.
Boris Yellnikoff: Tennis camp. Movie director camp! They should have a concentration camp. Two weeks mandatory for all kids growing up, so they would finally understand what the human race is capable of.
Friend: Brilliant! Except who'd send their kid to a concentration camp?
Boris Yellnikoff: A responsible parent who wants their child to grasp reality.
Boris Yellnikoff: You know those clean-cut, churchgoing young men, who are model kids, and good to their neighbors and quote the Bible, and never do a wrong thing, and then one day, for whatever reason, they grab a rifle, go to a tower and pick off everyone in town?
Melodie: I guess the good part is that I'm the wife of a genius, which I never really thought I could swing.
Randy: Why not?
Melody: I guess I thought I'd have to be smarter.
Melodie: Yeah, entropy. Boris explained it. It's why you can't get the toothpaste back in the tube.
Randy: You mean, once something happens, it's difficult to put it back the way it was?
Melodie's father: You were abducted! Tell me if my theory is correct. You were chloroformed by polygamous Mormons. They took you off to be someone's bride!
Melodie: Boris, when you found me, I was very young.
Boris Yellnikoff: You're still very young.
Melodie: Yes, but I've grown. I've grown so much. And mainly because of you.
Boris Yellnikoff: I knew this day would come. I really did. The universe is winding down. Why shouldn't we?
Boris Yellnikoff: The human race. They've had to install automatic toilets in public restrooms, because people can't be entrusted to flush a toilet.
Boris Yellnikoff: A bigger part of your existence is luck than you'd like to admit. Christ, you know the odds of your father's one sperm from the billions, finding the single egg that made you. Don't think about it, you'll have a panic attack.
Boris Yellnikoff: I'm the only one who sees the whole picture. That's what they mean by genius.