"Gilmore Girls" - Quotes from season 1

Some of my especially favorite quotes from this wonderful girlie TV show. Since I've watched just first season, it's just the first portion of memorable quotes.

"Gilmore Girls" is a mother/daughter story about life, love, managing problems and following their dreams. And also this show is very sunny, romantic, a bit dramatic and very witty. Its characters always make me smile and laugh.

Created by Amy Sherman-Palladino.
Starring Lauren Graham, Alexis Bledel, Jared Padalecki, Keiko Agena, Scott Patterson, Kelly Bishop, Edward Herrmann, Melissa McCarthy, Chad Michael Murray.

Episode 1

Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz going?
Richard: Eh, people die, we pay. People crash cars, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.

Episode 2

Rory: I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day?
Lorelai: Their day is shorter?

Lorelai: Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?

Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary.

Episode 5

Max, the teacher: Okay, Okay, how about coffee? Do you like coffee?
Lorelai: Only with my oxygen.

Lorelai: Why should we date?
Max: Because we are attracted to each other.
Lorelai: I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.

Episode 6

Rory: So, is this party Grandma's having gonna be a big deal?
Lorelai: Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert…again. Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.
Rory: You ask a simple question…

Episode 7

Lorelai: That Lothario over there has wormed his way into my daughter's heart — and mouth — and for that, he must die!
Luke: You can't kill the bag boy.
Lorelai: Why not?
Luke: It's double coupon day — you'll bring down the town.

Dean: But you don't like me.
Lorelai: But I want to like you... and I usually get what I want.

Lorelai: I remember it being smaller.
Ms. Kim: It's been six weeks, maybe it grew. [about a chair]

Episode 8

Emily: I just sent Lance to pick up Rory at school. The roads are terrible — black ice everywhere. It's just a mess out there. I hate this kind of weather. So, anyhow, what time will you get here?
Lorelai: Well, uh, gee, Mom, I don't know. Let me see… black ice, treacherous roads. I'll just put on my red, white, and blue leotard, grab my golden lasso, and fly the invisible plane on over?

Episode 10

Lane: You have to look at what a gift says to the other person, not to you. Remember two years ago, I got my mom that perfume?
Rory: Yeah.
Lane: Okay, to me that said, "Hey Mom, you work hard, you deserve something fancy". Now to my mother, it said, "Hey Mom, here's some smelly sex juice, the kind I use to lure boys with", and resulted in me being sent to Bible camp all summer.

Luke: The truth hurts.
Lorelai: No, you know what hurts? Having a screwdriver jammed in the back of your head!

Episode 11

Lorelai: I want a pet!
Rory: You have me!

Episode 12

Sookie: You will not regret this.
Lorelai: Pick another phrase.
Sookie: You will not have to pay.
Lorelai: Much better. [about a blind day]

Michel: Well, not everyone is cut out to be their own boss. Maybe you are more of a worker bee, a follower, a ticket ripper, or the man at the concert with the orange glow stick directing you where to park. [to Lorelai when she was nervous about her exam]

Episode 13

Rory: Did you find our house okay?
Paris: Your street has no sign on it.
Rory: I told you to turn left at the giant rooster statue.
Paris: I thought you were kidding.
Lorelai: No one kids about Monty!

Lorelai: Who wants cheese?
Rory: Are there crackers?
Lorelai: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes, there are crackers.

Episode 14

Rory: Mother-daughter window washing. We should try that.
Lorelai: Yeah, right after mother-daughter shock treatments.

Lorelai: Ok, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint.
Luke: You do?
Lorelai: Yes, I do.
Luke: You love it?
Lorelai: I want to marry it.
Luke: You have strange passions.
Rory: She likes washing dishes too. She's multi-faceted abnormal.

Emily: The two of you must come up for the weekend. It is so lovely. Rory would just love it.
Rory: Can we go for a weekend?
Lorelai: We'll see how much Valium Auntie Sookie can lend Mommy, Ok?

Emily: We only go to Europe in the fall.
Lorelai: You know, Mom, I heard a rumor Europe's still there in the spring.
Rory: I heard that too.
Emily: We know that it's there in the spring but we never go in the spring because we always go in the fall.

Episode 15

Emily: Lorelai, Christopher's in town!
Lorelai: What?! I didn't know! Although coincidently I'm sitting across an amazing Christopher hologram.

Emily: You usually knock.
Lorelai: Not since you gave us a key.
Emily: That is for emergencies.
Lorelai: Well mom, I'm starving to death. Is that enough of an emergency for you?

Lorelai: I've gotta see my parents.
Christopher: I've gotta see my parents.
Rory: Ladies and gentlemen, the drama king and queen of Connecticut.

Emily: I know one thing for sure- you certainly have your father's musical talent.
Lorelai: Oh, wait just a minute.
Emily: What?
Lorelai: Mom, neither of these two have any musical talent.
Christopher: Hey, I play guitar.
Lorelai: You know the opening lick to 'Smoke on the Water'.
Christopher: And I've since mastered the opening like to 'Jumping Jack Flash'.

Lorelai: I am thanks. You remember Rory. You haven't seen her in quite a while.
Straub, Christopher's father: No we haven't.
Francine, Christopher's mother: I think she was just beginning to speak in complete sentences.
Lorelai: So not for two years then. She's obviously been talking a long time so I was making a humorous comment sometimes referred to as a joke.

Emily: Straub is actually a good man. Very smart. He was one of the top lawyers in his field - a very arcane aspect of International law. And he's always been so active in his community. His charity work has never diminished over the years. Oh let's face it - he's a big ass.

Episode 16

Dean: It's depressing.
Rory: It's beautiful.
Dean: She throws herself under a train.
Rory: But I bet she looked great doing it.
Dean: I don't know. I think maybe Tolstoy's just a little over my head.
Rory: No, that's not true. Tolstoy wrote for the masses, the common man. It's completely untrue that you have to be some kind of genius to read his stuff.

Rory: I mean, I feel really bad that I missed our two-month anniversary.
Dean: Quite all right too.
Rory: How was it?
Dean: Pretty good.
Rory: I'm glad.

Lorelai: You are full of hate and loathing, and I gotta tell you, I love it!
Luke: Oh, it's so good to have somebody share this hate with.

Lane: I have to stop hanging out with you. I mean, you're just making my life seem too pathetic.
Lorelai: Join the club.

Rory: I would never make fun of you. Especially not after you ordered three different kinds of pasta for me just because I couldn't decide.
Dean: Well you shouldn't have to decide. I mean, tonight, you should have everything that you want.
Rory: I just have to say that I'm now a very big fan of the three-month anniversary.
Dean: Oh yeah?
Rory: Definitely. I think they should have T-shirts and newsletters.

Chase: Oh it is. In fact, if you were to answer a few simple questions for me, I could practically pinpoint the day you're going to die.
Emily: Goodness.
Lorelai: Go ahead. Ask her the questions.

Episode 17

Lorelai: Rory, my heart. It is Saturday, the day of rest.
Rory: Sunday's the day of rest.
Lorelai: No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest.
Rory: Pre-rest?
Lorelai: Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you're rested enough to enjoy your rest.
Rory: That makes absolutely no sense.
Lorelai: That's because it's 6:00 on Saturday morning.

Rory: Think about it, trash is discarded aspect of people's lives.

Rachel: Well we were kind of up late last night so I let him sleep in.
Lorelai: Sleep in? Luke?
Rachel: Oh believe me it wasn't easy to get him to agree to it, but in the end, a little sweet talk, a couple of Excedrin PM he finally caved.

Lorelai: Here, turn around.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: 14 hours of labor that's why.

Episode 18

Emily: Well this is just ridiculous. Three intelligent women sitting here in complete silence. There must be something to talk about. Do you know that every night at dinner, the Kennedy clan would sit around the table having lively debates about everything under the sun? They would quiz each other about current events, historical facts, intellectual trivia. Now the Gilmore clan is just as smart and worldly as the Kennedy's so come on - somebody - say something.
Lorelai: Do you know that butt models make $10,000 a day?

Emily: Alright I'm sorry. You were on the phone.
Richard: Long distance.
Lorelai: God?
Richard: London.
Lorelai: God lives in London?
Richard: My mother lives in London.
Lorelai: Your mother is God?
Richard: Lorelai.
Lorelai: So, God is a woman...
Richard: Lorelai.
Lorelai: And a relative, that's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.

Trix, the great-grandmother: I can see now that offering that trust fund was a bad idea. After all, taking into account the maturity level of those involved, this large amount of money would probably not be safe.
Lorelai: No Gran, that isn't true. Rory is an incredibly mature kid.
Trix, the great-grandmother: Oh I'm sure she is. It's you I'm worried about.

Episode 19

Rory: Oh, I'm buzzing.
Lorelai: What have I said about buzzing in public? [about a pager]

Lorelai: So if Rachel turns out to be an evil fembot and murders Luke in his sleep, I'm not responsible am I?
Rory: Only in an intergalactic court.

Episode 20

Kirk, the crazy guy: Okay, did somebody put the kick me sign on my back again? It wasn't funny last week and it's not funny now! I have asthma.

Rory: You'll break up, cry, get back together, break up. It doesn't really matter. I'd rather not have to keep track, so tell me when you're down to the final inning.
Lorelai: You know what, that is way too snotty a thing even for alternate universe Rory to say. I'd like an apology.

Richard: I'll be dead tomorrow. I plan on flinging myself off the roof tonight right in the middle of Pittie Salinger's opening speech.
Emily: Pittie Salinger is a dear friend and you will be nice to her.
Richard: Pittie Salinger is a dipsomaniac. I'm going to bring my newspaper.

Lorelai: I'm not even talking specifically about Dean. I mean just generally in life. For example, say you're dating Taylor Hanson.
Rory: Why am I dating Taylor Hanson?
Lorelai: It's a hypothetical scenario, go with it. So, uh, you and Taylor have been seeing each other pretty regularly. .
Rory: How did I meet Taylor Hanson?
Lorelai: You went to his concert, you got backstage, your eyes met across the crowd and you've been seeing each other ever since.

Episode 21

Lorelai: Dear God Almighty Mr. Mirkle!

Lorelai: What are you doing?!
Luke: Fixing your porch rail.
Lorelai: That's right. You are. You're fixing my porch rail. . . . At six thirty in the morning!

Lorelai: Oh. The Dean box. Okay, I know I was supposed to throw it away, but I couldn't. I mean, you're young and your head's all weird, and you don't have any perspective because of that whole young weird headed thing, so just please listen to me before you get mad. You're gonna want that stuff one day, when you're old and married, and looking back and thinking, I certainly had an interesting life. And then you can pull out all your old boyfriend boxes. Which is good, because I threw away stuff I'd kill to have today. Look, I put it in with the Max box so they could chat and keep each other company and commiserate about how they had Gilmore girl and lost a Gilmore girl and... Sorry.

Luke: It was. Is. I'm just. . I've just been living alone since forever. And I just got use to putting the milk someplace in the fridge and finding it in the exact same spot. You know what I mean?

Lorelai: Oh, we don't even keep milk in the house.
Luke: Well, then cookies.
Lorelai: Cookies almost never make it out of the car.
Luke: You know what I mean.

Clara: She sacred me.
Dean: Who?
Clara: The Girl Scout.

Rory: Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever. So give this guy a license.

Great thanks to the website GilmoreGirls.org!
Poster - Lauren Graham fan site

1 comment:

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