"Gilmore Girls" - Quotes from season 2

I finished watching season 2 of "Gilmore Girls" and I decided to continue posting my favorite quotes. I was collecting them while watching every episode, so there are many interesting, sarcastic, wise lines said by different characters.

"Gilmore Girls" is a mother/daughter story about life, love, managing problems and following their dreams. And also this show is very sunny, romantic, a bit dramatic and very witty. Its characters always make me smile, but with every season it becomes more dramatic.

Created by Amy Sherman-Palladino.
Starring Lauren Graham, Alexis Bledel, Jared Padalecki, Keiko Agena, Scott Patterson, Kelly Bishop, Edward Herrmann, Melissa McCarthy, David Sutcliffe, Milo Ventimiglia.

More "Gilmore Girls" quotes!

Episode 1

Lorelai: We missed you.
Dean: I missed you guys too.
Lorelai: No, I mean we really really missed you.
Dean: You need the water bottle changed, don't you?

Rory: Where's Dean?
Lorelai: Getting water.
Rory: You're shameless.
Lorelai: He offered.
Rory: Please.
Lorelai: The first thing he said to me was 'Hey Lorelai, can I change your water?' What can I do? The kid's a freak.

Lorelai: Uh, well, I'll have a white wine and Dean'll have a beer.
Dean: What?!
Lorelai: Corona right?
Dean: No, I don't want a beer! I don't drink beer. I'll have water or soda or anything. Or nothing. Not beer. Never beer. Beer's bad.
Emily: Relax Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor.

Dean: I'm not great in math.
Lorelai: Yeah, except who is really? You know, except mathematicians or the blackjack dealers, or I guess Stephen Hawking doesn't suck, but you know… You know what else is good though Mom, is a Ho-Ho. Because if you can't find a Twinkie, you know, treat yourself to a nice Ho-Ho. How long does it take to open a box?

Lorelai: Okay, well, Dean, all I can say is that tonight, you officially became a Gilmore Girl. Feels good, huh?

Episode 2

Rory: You are wearing a newspaper on your head.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: And you need me to be serious?
Lorelai: I am trying to figure out veil lengths here.

Lorelai: You're right. It's a good thing. Nice, keeps your halo shiny.

Luke: And then after all that planning, the reception will still be a disaster because no matter what you do or how carefully you plan, halfway through one of those nauseating Bette Midler ballads, someone's getting drunk, someone's sleeping with someone else's wife, and someone's Chicken Kiev is landing on the cake. [about the wedding]

Lane: He likes me. He's perfect. I'll never see him again. You'll read about it in my novel, A Connecticut Yankee in Pusan.

Rory: If you had taken me camping, I'd have wilderness skills.
Lorelai: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll take you upstairs. I'll throw you out the window. If you manage to grab that tree, I'll be your witness.

Episode 3

Rory: Okay, our house is burning down, and you can save the cake or me. What do you choose?
Lorelai: Well that's not fair. The cake doesn't have legs.

Max: What fallout shelter have you guys been living in?
Rory: He has much knowledge.
Lorelai: We shall form a cult around him.
Rory: Build a statue many stories high.

Lorelai: Whatcha doing?
Rory: Taking back Poland.

Lorelai: Ugh. I used to hate school starting. I once flipped the pages back in a calendar my mom kept in the kitchen and tried to convince her it was June and not September.

Lorelai: Yoko and John Lennon did. They just got closer and closer as the years went by. At the end, they had the same face.

Episode 4

Lorelai: Well, it's a long story. I don't really wanna go into all the whats and whys and gory details right now, but you should know we all still love Max, and to figure out exactly what happened, you'd have to dig up Freud himself and have him work on me full time.

Rory: I am uniformed and ignorant and. . .I can't even think of a second synonym for uninformed. I suck.

Rory: Okay, but every kid coming to Harvard is inevitably reading books, and different books, and I want to be able to converse intelligently with each of them and I can't do that unless I read books, at least a few from every genre and sub-genre.

Episode 5

Luke: So you can't order crispy fries without first ordering fries.
Boy: Why not?
Luke: Because you can't make something crispy that doesn't exist.
Boy: Why not?
Luke: Get him away from me Taylor.

Luke: He's adjusting. He just got here. He probably just went out and realized there are twelve stores in this town devoted entirely to peddling porcelain unicorns. I've lived in this town my entire life, I still can't believe it.

Lorelai: Jackson grows fruit and then scares people with it.

Max: My father wanted me to be a doctor, and my mother wanted me to be President, and I wanted to be. . . a clown.

Episode 6

Female friend: She threw an ice sculpture at his head.
Emily: I can't believe I missed that.

Dean: Neil Young looks cool because he's Neil Young, not because he's wearing a tux.

Rory: Okay, I'm adopted. [after watching how Lorelai and Christopher beautifully danced]

Episode 7

Rory: God! You're like a pop up book from hell!

Lorelai: No, I mean, bad girl. How many times have I told you not to ring bells?
Rory: Let's go.
Lorelai: They can dent or scratch and they make dogs crazy. Who do you think you are, the hunchback of Notre Dame? Are you French, are you circular, I don't think so.

Episode 8

Emily: Lorelai, would you like me to put a mirror in front of you so you can look at yourself while you have this conversation?

Lorelai: Hey, how dare you walk away from me when I'm being a world class jerk to you.

Episode 9

Literature teacher: Believe it or not, Shakespeare probably never intended his plays to be read by students sitting at decks more concerned with getting A's than with the fate of Macbeth.

Lorelai: Listen to me. I know you are Miss Honesty. I have seen the banner in the closet.

Rory: Mom made the dress.
Lorelai: Not to mention the girl inside it.
Rory: Hello, gross.

Episode 10

Richard: Floyd was stunned. I'd never seen Floyd stunned. I enjoyed seeing Floyd stunned.

Episode 11

Lorelai: Sookie, I really appreciate you letting us crash here tonight. It was so creepy just lying there listening to a thousand tiny little insects just mocking me. "Ha ha, we're eating your house, try and stop us."

Lane: All right. I forgot my pom.
Rory: Your what?
Lane: Two are pompoms, one's a pom!

Episode 12

Emily: I mean, in terms of your finding someone, what do you think the odds are?
Lorelai: Okay, what is going on?
Emily: Well, I visited the family mausoleum today.
Lorelai: Never what you think it's gonna be!

Emily: So I went inside and looked around and it occurred to me that there's a very limited space there. Now of course there's a slot open for me and Richard and you and Rory, but after the two of you – that's it. No more room for anyone else. So if you actually do meet someone someday, I don't know where to put him.
Lorelai: Well, maybe we could just dump him at the local pool hall.

Episode 13

Lorelai: I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet and of course Mom wouldn't leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb out the window and down the tree. He fell, broke his leg. Ah, to be young again.

Lorelai: Also pathetic. But that is a pathetic I can live with, where that pathetic is a truly pathetic pathetic, and only you can save me from the double pathetic! Please!

Episode 14

Lorelai: Hey, let's sit at the counter.
Rory: The counter, those are not the power seats.
Lorelai: Yes, but with no one here we can sit at either end and play bagel hockey.

Rory: She's a very cautious driver. She doesn't roll through stop signs, doesn't speed, she always signals before she turns.
Lorelai: Commendable, but not the person I want driving our getaway car.
Rory: What are we robbing?
Lorelai: Sephora. We had it all planned out.

Episode 15

Luke: I'm having nightmares about being chased around by boxes with arms and they tackle me and pile clothing on top of my face and secure it around my head with packing tape and I'm just lying there choking while you're sitting in the corner laughing, putting gel in your hair with a switchblade!

Lorelai: All right, I'll check the car. And don't worry – if worse comes to worse and we can't find it, we'll follow Dean to work, hide behind the cantaloupes, jump him, blind him and he'll never find out.
Rory: As long as we have a plan. [about a lost bracelet]

Episode 16

Lorelai: Rory, you have to do something bad when Mommy's out of town. It's the law. You're seen Risky Business, right? Now I'm not asking for a prostitution ring, but how about a floating craps game or something?

Episode 17

Hippie guy: It's all approved by the proper authorities. I followed the rules, it's what my father taught me. Cop for twenty years, got shot in the butt. Good man – tips over sometimes when he sits – but good man.

Lorelai: It's repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: It's repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: We certainly are entertaining, Mac.
Rory: Indubitably, Tosh.

Episode 18

Lorelai: Right back, Dad, like right back. In fact, change on the way upstairs. And make it a Navy shower – quick soap, quick rinse and no excessive posing! Hungry.

Giselle: Turn turn turn. Thank God I have the perfect son. If you had been ugly, I don't know what I would've done.
Michel: Boarding school?
Giselle: In Switzerland.

Lorelai: Honey, you gotta ease up on that love potion you've been giving him or he's gonna start showing up at David Letterman's house soon. [about many calls from Dean]

Lorelai: Hey, did you notice when he gets mad he gets taller? I don't know how he does it but he actually grows. The day I told him I was pregnant, twenty-four feet tall. It freaked the birds.

Episode 19

Lorelai: And over here you have a tiny but annoying bell in case there's something here that you need but you don't have and you want to summon the common but lovely house wench who will promptly leave her talking mice and come to fetch the Contessa whatever she may require.

Christopher: I'm gonna need a picture of this Jess so I don't accidentally rip the head off the wrong kid 'cause that would be bad.

Christopher: This town is like one big outpatient mental institution.
Lorelai: Glad you could join us.

Episode 20

Emily: Well, you're crude and unprofessional.
Lorelai: Well, I'd like that on my tombstone, please.

Episode 21

Lane: Oh my God, you guys walk fast. I've been chasing you for the past two blocks.
Rory: Hey, we were being followed.
Lorelai: I told you I wasn't just being paranoid. Maybe next time you'll take me seriously when I tell you furniture moved itself.

Episode 22

Paris: You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

Poster - Lauren Graham fan

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